


Atlantis, sponsored by ACME

by respoftw



Series: 30 prompt OTP challenge - McShep [9]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Established Relationship, Humour, M/M, team fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Prompt #9: Hanging Out With The Team(Literally)





	Atlantis, sponsored by ACME

"Rodney, for...would you move your damn elbow? I need a little room here."

"Oh, of course, let me get right on that Colonel. As soon as Conan here gets his armpit out of my face. You do know that we have a little thing called deodorant on Atlantis? You should try some. It's bad enough that we're stuck in this damn net, I shouldn't have to put up with - -" Rodney broke off with a yelp.

"Sorry 'bout that." Ronon didn't sound sorry at all.

The net trap, like something out of a Warner Brothers cartoon, swung lazily in the quiet of the forest, the gentle rocking motion making John's stomach flip uneasily with each back and forth. He concentrated on keeping his turkey sandwich from two hours ago inside his belly where it belonged. Someone losing their lunch was the last thing they needed. With the way they were, all four, pressed together in the rough rope netting, the resulting mess would leave no one unscathed.

Another dig from Rodney's elbow into the sharp bone of his hip made John curse. " _Rodney_ ," he gritted out between his teeth, "move that elbow or I'll move it for you."

Rodney huffed loudly and the net swung a little more wildly as he wriggled as much as he could in an effort to move the offending elbow.

"Dr McKay," Teyla sounded less serene than usual. John couldn't see her face, couldn't see much beyond Ronon's crotch to be honest, but she sounded like she was a second away from snapping. "I would kindly ask that you find somewhere else to lay your hand if you don't want to lose it."

"Hey, what is this? Pick on Rodney day? In case you haven't noticed, there's not much room in this thing and there's only so far I can move. It's not like this was my fault. _You_ were the one on point. I'm just the poor schmuk that got caught in the middle."

"Colonel Sheppard, if you are attached to any particular part of Dr. McKay's anatomy, please let me know now and I will do my best to leave it unharmed."

John choked on a lungful of air as Rodney started babbling and wriggling even harder, having the unfortunate effect of making the net swing harder. Of all the ways to learn that Teyla knew about them, this was the most awkward.

He really wanted to defend Rodney's appendages but he was having a harder and harder time keeping the contents of his stomach where they belonged.

"Thank you," Teyla said sweetly. John realised that Rodney must have succeeded in moving his hand.

"It's not like it was doing anything for me," Rodney retorted. "You obviously know about John and I so you should be able to infer that I prefer his privates to yours."

John groaned. "Is this really appropriate conversation to be having right now? Don't we have more important things to concentrate on? Like getting down from here before a) whoever set this damn trap comes looking, or b) we miss our check in and Weir sends a rescue team."

Rescue sounded good on paper but John knew that he would never live it down if they were found like this.

"Don't worry," Ronon grunted, "I've almost..."

A flashback to the Wraith ship and Ronon's many hidden knives had John realising what was about to happen seconds before it did.

"Wait, Ronon, no - -"

The bottom of the net fell away and John found himself lying on the forest floor, a tree root poking at the small of his back.

"So, _that_ happened," he grumbled. Gingerly picking himself up, he looked around at his teammates. "Everyone ok?"

Rodney's hands were pressed against his own back and John waited for the complaints to start.

"Huh," Rodney surprised him by sounding somewhat happy. "I think you just succeeded where several hundred dollars worth of chiropracty failed. Good job, Ronon."

John rolled his eyes. "How wonderful for you. Teyla? Ronon? You ok?"

Both answered in the affirmative and John felt something settle.

"Ok, well, what do you say we get out of here?"

Affirmative answers all around again as they made their way towards the gate.

After trudging half a mile in miserable silence, John held his hand out for Rodney to pause before he finished dialling the DHD. "So, ah," he looked at all three members of his team, "can we all agree not to mention the whole - -"

Teyla smiled softly. "Neither Ronon nor I will make any mention of yours and Rodney's relationship, Colonel. We have known for some time now and, while we do not agree with the policies that necessitate your secrecy, we will not jeopardise it."

Ronon nodded. "It's stupid but, yeah, what she said."

John flushed, touched at his teammates support which, while welcome, wasn't exactly what he was expecting. "Ah, I was actually talking about the whole stumbling into a giant net trap thing but - - thanks."

"What giant net trap?" Teyla answered, serene again now that she was back on the ground.

"What she said," Ronon grunted.

John nodded. And, just because he could now, sidled up to Rodney and kissed him on the temple after brushing a leaf out of his hair. "Ok," he grinned toothily. "Let's go home."


End file.
